Saturday, March 19, 2005

Children are the Future...

The names have been changed to protect the innocent and to prevent law suits! Wal-Mart. The happiest place on earth. I don't care what they say about Disney Land, for folks like me, it's Wal-Mart hands down. On top of that, you pair me up with my two-year old nephew who is a confirmed chick magnet, then you have a recipe for a Saturday shopping extravaganza! Yeah, I know it's kinda low to use toddlers to lure unsuspecting women into my web o' lovin', but hey...all is fair in love and war. Besides, I feel as though I'm getting him started on the right path, just my way of grooming the coming generation of playas! LOL Anyway, I've always found it fascinating how women are drawn to men with little kids. Everytime I borrow my nephew for an exploratory ass run, it never fails! They are the ultimate ice breakers!!

Today during our excursion to Wal-Mart and points beyond, the lil fella, let's call him Teddy, was in RARE form...he was pouring on so much cute toddler charm that all I had to do was hold his hand, or pick him up and make the beaming proud psuedo-parent face and the ladies were ours (mine) for the taking! It was artistry, a veritable clinic put on by a two-year old, heck we even got some shopping done and for his trouble, Teddy walked away with a cool Spider-Man spill-proof cup! Woooo Hooooo...winnahs all around!

It's a mystery to me that the kid is such a draw. Living here in Atlanta (and I am NOT tooting my own horn here) having no drama, a great job, being single, and STRAIGHT, without any kids makes you a Blue Chip, Number One Draft Pick prospect to most women. Some of the same women that desire that in a mate stumble upon Sidney and I on our bi-weekly adventures and they fawn and fall over him and, by proxy, me! Hey...I'm not complaining at all! I guess even though you don't have kids, they want to see how you handle yourself around them...and more importantly how you treat them. I guess having a paternal instinct can pay off once in a while.

After getting Teddy back to my place and cleaning us both up from a day of hunting and gathering and one of the most massive McDonald's Coca-Cola fountain spills in Atlanta/Wal-Mart history, we settled in for a night of The Incredibles, ginger snaps and 100% Apple Juice. After the last snap was snacked and The Incredibles finished vanquishing their foe, I realized that after all the women we spent time with, Teddy was the best company I've had in my place in years and the one most likely to be invited over again! Suffice it to say, I learned a couple of lessons today....

1. Don't hold a 2-year old close to the coke fountain and look away
2. Kids are great...especially when you eventually send them home
3. Give a kid too much Apple Juice and the resulting "present" in the
diaper will run you out of the house!

Now if only I could get one of those cuties to come over to do this changing!

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